I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
