somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
