I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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