nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
