Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
