I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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