It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
