He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
