I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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