I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
