I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
