i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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