Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
