i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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