too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I have tasted many bathrooms
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
