i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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