I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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