your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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