Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
