please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
