I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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