Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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