He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
