I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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