you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
