I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
