Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
