Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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