I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
