Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
