I want to walk on stilts...naked
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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