just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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