Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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