How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's blow job season.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
