Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
