Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
it hurts more in the daytime
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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