you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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