I like my sex mixed with concussions.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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