I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
soo... how was my night?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize