i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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