I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
