Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
