Where did you get a picture of my penis
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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