I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
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