Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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