george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
