Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
