yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
