If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
