once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
