Say something about gay babies.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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