I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
