she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
