Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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