did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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