i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
