Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
