Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize