hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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