pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
