You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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