she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
