Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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