My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
