dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
