We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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