So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
