I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
